Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
