You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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