just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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