He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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