i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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