You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
