I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
