My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I supernannyed him into submission
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
