Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
