You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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