I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dignity is for republicans.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
