I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize