pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize