We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
