Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
