I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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