You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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