I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
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I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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