your room smells of hookers.
And success
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
