So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
