Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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