You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
