I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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