I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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