tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
