I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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