I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
