My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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