She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My ass is underappreciated
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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