If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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