She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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