Whod you bang
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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