Soap is not a condiment
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
