The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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