By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
