I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
