Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
