Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
