just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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