I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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