We named our party play list daddy issues
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You've changed since you got that strap on
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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