theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Panties = found
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
