You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
