You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
