dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
