That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
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Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
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I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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