nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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