you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
