It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
