i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
