A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
