note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
