coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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