Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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