in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
