I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
