i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
