I heard we made out
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
