i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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