I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
