i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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