...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
