we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
