My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
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Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
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I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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